This Dan O'Brien

cracked: Zoinks! Looks like the Mystery Squad committed another...

Sat, 18 May 2013 23:46:37 -0400

Zoinks! Looks like the Mystery Squad committed another mystery felony.

Tomorrow, let’s all meet back at Cracked’s YouTube channel to find out what it is!

http://www.youtube.com/cracked

Here’s a thing I wrote and am in that will be airing soon!

liana: Hey! Hi! My new thing has just launched! It’s a comedy...

Thu, 09 May 2013 15:24:44 -0400

liana:

Hey! Hi! My new thing has just launched! It’s a comedy site for HitFix called RIOT and mostly I just make fun of Gwyneth Paltrow. And myself, as seen in the embarrassing still above, taken from an even more humiliating video. Check it out or don’t, or whatever, please.

Check out Liana’s new comedy site, Huggles n’ Waughter.

boobsradley: dave matthews has a wine dave matthews has a wine...

Wed, 08 May 2013 13:34:55 -0400

boobsradley:

dave matthews has a wine dave matthews has a wine dave matthews has a

wine dave matthews has a wine dave matthews has a wine dave matthews has

Watch Cracked.com do Live Jokes, Los Angeles!

Mon, 06 May 2013 20:41:48 -0400

Watch Cracked.com do Live Jokes, Los Angeles!

HOLY SHIT! Were you on Conan? Because if not I just saw your doppleganger

Fri, 03 May 2013 01:05:15 -0400

I was! The West Coast can still catch the episode featuring me, as the unsuspecting audience member who was made a fool of on his day off!

I’ll call it the highlight of my career.

"I’m sure you’re aware of this but, just in case you’re not, I’d like to let..."

Wed, 01 May 2013 00:29:00 -0400

“

I’m sure you’re aware of this but, just in case you’re not, I’d like to let you know that there’s a man who doesn’t speak English in a sleeping bag beneath our mailboxes.

Ant Update: There are also still ants.

Did I mention I hate this place?

”

- An email I just sent to my terrible, terrible landlord

This seemed like as good a time as any to share my absolute...

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:16:22 -0400

This seemed like as good a time as any to share my absolute favorite video in the history of the internet. Stollhouse is a treasure and Milana’s rapid-fire blinking is inspiring.

Daniel, did you know that if you search 'Daniel O'Brien Cracked' that 'daniel o'brien cracked girlfriend' is the first thing Google suggests? I never knew you were such a ladies man, you stud, you!

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 03:52:46 -0400

I wonder if there’s a way to say “Yes, I knew that” without revealing that I’m almost constantly Googling myself.

Anyway, yes, I knew that because one of my friends told me (you don’t know him, he lives in Canada), though I think it happens for reasons that have nothing to do with studliness. In some interview or blog or forum post somewhere, I mentioned how a lot of my life is public on the internet but how some things were kept very deliberately private. Years ago, I labeled a few bits of information as “mine,” as stuff that wouldn’t ever go on the internet. Some of it is mostly arbitrary (my birthday doesn’t appear on the internet), and some of it is more understandably personal; my relationship status is always going to be one of those things that the internet doesn’t get to know.

So when “Daniel O’Brien Cracked girlfriend” gets searched a lot, it’s not because a bunch of sexy, interesting coffee-shop-baristas are clamoring to find out if I’m available; it’s mostly internet detectives trying to find out an answer based solely on the fact that I told them they’re not allowed to know. If you tell someone they can go in any room of the house EXCEPT THIS ONE AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS, then that’s the only room they’re going to want to see.

Song Lyrics

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 20:19:53 -0400

[I’m working on a few songs and I wanted to leave the lyrics here so I didn’t forget them.]

“Damn, that’s a bold ass Donkey”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about Shrek called “Thrift Shrek;”

“Damn, that’s a slow ass zombie” for a “Thrift Shop” parody about The Walking Dead called “Brains Shop;”

“Damn, that’s a stoned ass Cochrane”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about Rory Cochrane’s stoner character from Dazed and Confused called “Spliff Shop;”

“Damn, that’s a dope ass codpiece”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody set in the 1500s called “Thrift Shoppe;”

“Damn, that’s a stroked ass Rodney”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about a guy name Rodney who dies of a stroke called “Thrift Stop;”

“Damn, that’s some folded ass ‘gami”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about doing street origami called “Folding Paper into Shapes (Thrift Shop Parody);”

“Damn, that’s an old ass chotchkie”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about hoarders, called “Hoarder Shop;”

“Damn, Joanie really loves Chachi”- for a “Thrift Shop” parody about Joanie Loves Chachi called “Thrift Shop Parody (Joanie Loves Chachi-style SO FUNNY);”

That’s how you fucking sound, internet.

FTWolf: Things I Learned After Living in Los Angeles for a Year

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 14:04:11 -0400

FTWolf: Things I Learned After Living in Los Angeles for a Year:

hungrylikejonwolf:

A yellow light is only a warning to pay attention to the next light.

Kale is not just a garnish or a food I used to feed my guinea pigs.

The Valley is a separate planet hovering near Los Angeles.

At night Hollywood Boulevard is run by the Red Triangle Circus Gang from Batman Returns.

…

This is great.

But seriously The Valley sucks.

cockenblog: “Shit, Larry, I can’t figure out what to put on...

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:07:40 -0400

cockenblog:

“Shit, Larry, I can’t figure out what to put on this label. What’s it called when it’s a dog but it’s like, not a grown-up dog yet? It’s a tiny dog.

No, Larry, not a Corgi. I’m talking about all dogs. What are all little, tiny, brand-new dogs called?

No, Larry, the world I’m looking for isn’t ‘cute.’

Damn it! It’s on the tip of my tongue. Cats have kittens, humans have babies, dogs have…

Fuck it, they’ll know what I mean.”

wilwheaton: FOREVER REBLOG

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 23:02:33 -0400

wilwheaton:

FOREVER REBLOG

Zara Aina

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 18:43:32 -0400

Zara Aina:

Broadway actors launch pilot project to support arts and education for children in Madagascar—a Fractured Atlas fiscally sponsored campaign

Kill Me Now and Agents of Cracked’s Kaitlin Large is working with a new charity that helps kids be happier and better! They’re raising funds and today’s the last day. Donate!

cockenblog: This is your monthly reminder that Grey’s Anatomy is still on the air, but your...

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 16:02:35 -0400

cockenblog:

This is your monthly reminder that Grey’s Anatomy is still on the air, but your favorite TV show is cancelled.

Frasier’s cancelled?!

We'll Get Through This, Too.

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 01:55:11 -0400

I’m doing a stand-up show tonight but the venue forgot to...

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 16:35:00 -0400

I’m doing a stand-up show tonight but the venue forgot to add my picture to the line up on their website. I did my best to copy their style and insert myself in as seamlessly as possible, and I think it’s cool how well I nailed it. Go here to buy tickets. Buy one get one free with the promo code CRACKED.

Entertainment Weekly, the first magazine on the scene to tell...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:42:43 -0400

Entertainment Weekly, the first magazine on the scene to tell you what the Boston bombing means for NBC’s Revolution.

Places to donate blood in Boston

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 17:51:05 -0400

Places to donate blood in Boston

starline: 5 Horrifying Secret Rules of Life in a Movie...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 15:22:50 -0400

starline:

5 Horrifying Secret Rules of Life in a Movie Universe

I got to make some artwork for Cracked.com’s After Hours series! It’s in there for about a second, but it was fun to be a part of it.

There’s a brand new After Hours out today written by me and directed by Abe Epperson. It’s about movies.

This episode also features the debut of our new illustrator, the talented and delightful Starline Hodge! We were on the lookout for a new illustrator when I met Star at a party a few months ago. I saw some of her work and the team immediately agreed that she was the gal for the job. (When I meet women at parties, my brain doesn’t say “A woman! Let’s hit on her,” my brain says “A woman! I wonder if she can help make the website funnier and stronger and better ALL HAIL CRACKED CRACKED IS LIFE.”)

Going forward, Star will be covering all of the illustrations for everything that goes on inside Katie Willert’s brain. We’re thrilled to have Star on board, if for no other reason than to challenge Soren for cool name supremacy.

Here is Star’s website. Here is her Tumblr. Here is her Twitter.

I just wanted to let you know I think you're great

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 13:56:00 -0400

I was going to say the same about you. All of you!