May 14th, 1972
Hi Mom! Gosh, where do I start? The weather’s been good (perfect for rabbit season), sessions with my speech therapist seem to be going well (I hope to be able to wish you a “MERRY” Christmas this year, not “Mewwy.” That’ll be my gift to you!) and I’m making lots of friends.
But holy cow, all I REALLY want to talk about is this girl I met. Sorry, this woman. I met someone, Mom, someone special.I know I have a habit of rushing into things but, Mom, I think she’s the one. She’s so beautiful, she’s so sweet (but still kind of sassy) and she doesn’t even seem to mind my speech impediment. She accepts me, just when I thought that kind of thing would be impossible. She’s so confident, she’s on another level, I just want to give her everything to see what she can make out of it. What she even sees in a dummy like me is anyone’s guess.
OH, and best of all I met her while hunting, if you can believe it. She’s into hunting! She was just out in the woods and I found her—well, we found each other. We didn’t even speak at first, because we didn’t NEED to, there was just this CONNECTION. Instantly. So much went unspoken, it was like we were waiting for each other. She wasn’t shy about approaching me and, bizarrely, I wasn’t shy either, because we just worked together, immediately. We kissed! Right when we met! I love her. I LOVE HER!
I don’t think I knew what love was, before. I had a dim understanding of it, from movies and songs, and I remember what you and Dad were like together, but until I met Her, I only understood love anecdotally, as a bystander. I finally feel like I’m a participant, and I never thought I would be. Beyond that, I feel lucky. I’m not saying “I’m lucky because I get to be with her,” I’m saying “I’m lucky because I get the privilege of loving her.” Do you understand that, does that make sense? Even if she didn’t love me back, I will forever be grateful just for getting the opportunity to love her. Because I know what my life was like before I loved her, and I don’t even think I would call that a life, now. It feels so good to love her, to have love inside of me, to feel what normal people feel. I get to love her, do you understand? I get to. I’m allowed to. I weep at how lucky that makes me. Mom, I weep.
Listen to me, going on and on about this woman. We’re supposed to meet up in the woods again tomorrow. I’m going to ask her if she wants to go dancing with me. I don’t really dance, but I know most women like doing it so I looked up places that offer Salsa lessons for couples and there are some affordable ones in my area. I figured a dancing class would be a nice date. We can be close and we can talk, and we can move together.
I’ve rambled enough. I gotta get ready for tomorrow. I don’t even know how I’m going to sleep!
Love and Respect Forever,
Your Son Elmer
PS I know things must get lonely around the house since Dad’s passing, but remember that your “Lil’ Elmmy” loves you and is always thinking about you. I wish I could be by your side right now, but of course I have to try to catch and sell enough animals so we can afford to keep the house (I’ve included a check for $25; it’s all I made last week). It’ll get easier, Mom, I swear to God it’ll get easier. It’s going to be a good year. I can feel it.
May 15, 1972
Disregard previous letter. It was a boy rabbit in a dress. I don’t know why he did it. Don’t ask me about it.
PS I don’t think I ever learned how to be happy.
roman-sunshine said: Hello Mr. O'Brien! I hope you are well! I just read your Cracked article about adopting a dog, and saw the picture of your dog from May. I am really happy for you! Could you please show us more pictures and tell us a bit about your dog?
Anonymous said: Are you going to run for president in 2016?
I made a promise long ago that I would only run for president if Ole Dirty Bastard could be my running mate (for reasons that should be obvious). He is, as far as you’re concerned “dead,” as is my campaign.
Anonymous said: my parents gave me your books on presidents for my birthday yesterday. so far i like it.
No problem, Mr. The President.
Anonymous said: i asked my mom to give me How To Fight Presidents for my birthday, and she did! i'm on page 8 and i like it so far! it's got a good font!
Thanks, Anonymous person who I can only assume is probably David McCullough. I just re-read 1776. The font kinda blows but otherwise it’s pretty good.
pastaspoon said: Hello! My questions are: I can't find any information on any, (IF any) acting training you have had. You are extremely good in front of a camera; it took me a fair bit into my own acting degree to learn how to get out of my head and make eye contact, heh heh. If the answer is none, What is your impression of what "the process" is like, and have you ever dealt with the questions, "who am I", "what am I doing", etc for a role? kloveyoubye.
Someone writes words down (sometimes me!) and then when all the lights are in the right place, someone says “Action,” which is code for “Pretend you’re the person who thought the words that are on the paper or, failing that, say them in the right order. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING is to remember what you were doing with your hands because when we move the camera around and shoot this same scene from a different angle we need everything to match up for continuity.” It’s just playing pretend. Acting is easy which is why it’s literally the only job children can legally do.