crazylikearox asked: How many offers of sexual favors and marriage dowries have you received since writing Four Ways? Because, not going to lie, the thought definitely crossed my mind.
You seem nice, but no proposal for sex has been as enticing as my dog saying “let’s watch Netflix in our underwear” with his eyes. My life is writing and dog-parenting now.
alwayswanted2bginger asked: THANK YOU for 4 Ways to Have More Sex Right Now. It's nice to know there's a man out there who gets it. I can totally relate to the 2nd part. It wasn't until I found out how smart, funny, and just plain interesting Benedict Cumberbatch is that I developed a crush on him. Before that he was just an attractive celebrity, and quite frankly there are tons of those. Thanks again for all you do. You're one of my fave Cracked writers. You're awesome, and I'm single. (; Much love! -Jen, Providence, RI
That’s an incredibly sweet thing to say and I’m glad you enjoyed the article, which was super fun to write.
Mostly though, I bring this post up because Benedict Cumberbatch looks like an alien to me. I’m not saying he’s ugly— I’d still probably have sex with him, mostly because no one has written a nonfiction book about having sex with an alien before and, hey, I could corner that market— I’m just saying he looks like an alien.
Like I have a really hard time when Sean Bean is in a movie that doesn’t directly put him in a fantasy setting, because that’s clearly where he’s supposed to live. He’s supposed to have long hair and a sword and talk funny. When I saw him in Silent Hill, walking around with a modern flashlight and wearing FUCKING JEANS I thought “Whoa, hang on a second, buddy, why don’t you hop on home to a place where people ride dragons and live in villages named ‘Bottom’s Bottom’ and STOP RUINING MY MOVIE ABOUT MONSTERS IN THE PRESENT DAY.” He belongs in Game of Thrones, because that’s where he was born.
I feel that way about Benedict Cumberbatch whenever I see him pretending at being a human. Sherlock’s a robot, so that’s fine, and Kahn was a super-alien, and Julian Assange is Grown Up Old Man Powder, so it all checks out, but when I saw him in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy with his oddly perfect glass-face and his dead eyes I thought “Why isn’t anyone stopping this sexy lizard king from learning all of England’s secrets?”
imaginationsmiles asked: How suited is your book to international people? I plan to buy it anyway because I love your writing, but I'm not very familiar with US politics.
(I love your profile picture; Hannah Hart for Mayor!)
To your question, I’m ALSO not too familiar with US politics, which is fine, because my book about United States presidents has very little to do with politics.
I don’t think anyone who reads HTFP will leave with a better understanding of politics. There are two goals at play with this book: 1) Make you laugh 2) Tell you some interesting stories about the legit lunatics we hired to be Captain of America for a while. I took the most interesting or badass or bizarre stories I could find about each president (of which there were plenty), and then surrounded them with jokes and Winston Rowntree’s incredible illustrations. You won’t walk away from the book having a better understanding of what Woodrow Wilson did for American politics, but you WILL walk away with a bunch of stories about him that you can tell at parties.
Parties are awkward; break ice and make friends with some fascinating anecdotes that start with “Did you know…” That’s been my and Cracked’s goal for a long time.