This Dan O'Brien

mr-cappadocia said: So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?


Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.


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But don’t panic, Texts from Superheroes will always be free. This is just an avenue to help directly support our comic, if that’s what you’re into.

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And here’s a picture of Ronan texting, because we think it’s hilarious:

Signal BOOST


We can do a live After Hours at SXSW if you take one minute to vote for us. Please do that and help us be like


If enough of you go to SXSW’s website and vote for us, we can do a live After Hours episode in Austin. PLEASE HELP! Otherwise we’ll lose the vote, burn the scripts in a rage, and weep into our Webbys.


If enough of you go to SXSW’s website and vote for us, we can do a live After Hours episode in Austin. PLEASE HELP! Otherwise we’ll lose the vote, burn the scripts in a rage, and weep into our Webbys.

(via goshkanani)



Whiskey-drinker and pizza-enthusiast turned Emmy Winner, Marina, pictured above.



Whiskey-drinker and pizza-enthusiast turned Emmy Winner, Marina, pictured above.
True Story

Daniel: Hmm, how should we spend our Saturday?

Jackson the Dog: *excited face* *sneeze*

Daniel: I was thinkin', maybe, I don't know... TREATS!?

Jackson the Dog: *runs in a circle*

Daniel: *makes it rain treats* *hits PLAY on some PARTY MUSIC* *dances*

Jackson the Dog: *hops* *hops* *hops*

Daniel: *hops*

Husband and Wife Eating at Denny's.

Husband: Wow! This sandwich tastes almost as delicious as a sourdough dick.

Wife: Lance! What a horrible expression.

Husband: Its not an expression, Louise. I really think this sandwich tastes almost as delicious as a sourdough dick. I've had a lot of sourdough dicks in my mouth. I'm one hundred percent serious.

Wife: What's a sourdough dick?

Husband: It's a dick, Louise. A penis. From a man.

Wife: What are you telling me? You're gay?

Husband: I'm not gay. And I haven't had a sourdough dick since we married. I do miss them though. I could've sworn we talked about this before.

Wife: No! Never! This is the first time you've mentioned sucking a dick.

Husband: Whoa, whoa! I never have sucked a dick! I've just had them in my mouth. Sourdough dicks 'til dawn.

Wife: And why do you keep saying "sourdough dicks" ???

Husband: That's what they are.

Wife: I'm going to be sick.

Husband: Holy moly! That man's walking like 10 dogs. Look! Across the street there.

Wife: I'm married to a man who loves dicks in his mouth.

Husband: You're still going on about this?

Wife: Should we divorce?

Husband: What? No! You're my Little Miss Little Miss Little Miss Cant Be Wrong! Hey, just forget all about this sourdough dick thing, okay?

Wife: I guess I can try.

Husband: Trying won't cut it. I need you to sign these contracts saying you will absolutely forget about all this.

Wife: Oh. Alright. Do you have a pen?

Husband: I have 60 pens stashed throughout this Denny's. If you find three of them in under a minute, this dinner is on me. Ready... GO!

****its okay to repost my own stuff, right? Its been more than 3 years so its okay. its just a really sweet tale is all


cossbysweater and I did a tribute to Robin Williams because it has been a hard week for lots of people for lots of reasons. I’m here for u. 

Oh Gosh!

sunvapor said: What the fucks happening in Ferguson?


Alright, i’m gonna sit down and basically explain the situation in this ask so everyone of my followers knows why i’m so pissed.

Michael Brown, a 17 - 18 year old african american boy was unlawfully shot (8-10 times supposedly) by police in St Louis, Missouri on saturday, august 9th, 2014. He was unarmed, and had done nothing to attract suspicion other than the fact that he was black. His body was left in the street for 4 hours. (beware: somewhat graphic image linked)

There are several claims from witnesses (see: Dorian Johnson’s account and video [HIGHLY RECOMMEND READING UP ON HIS ACCOUNT, ITS VERY SPECIFIC] — Brown’s friend who experienced the situation first hand, La’Toya Cash and Phillip Walker— Ferguson residents nearby the incident),  that fall together in generally close claims. However, the only one who’s claim seems out of place is the police officer’s who shot Brown. Who, by the way, is put off on paid administrative leave AND who’s name remained under anonymity for his safety (However, attorney Benjamin Crump is looking for a way to force release his name). He claims that Brown began to wrestle the officer for his gun and tried attacking him after he told Brown and his friend Dorian Johnson (22) to “get the f*ck on the sidewalk”.

According to Johnson, after a minor confrontation on the officer’s part where he grabbed Brown by the neck and then by the shirt, the officer pulled his gun on Brown and shot him at point blank range on the right side of his body. Brown and Johnson were able to get away briefly and started running. However, Brown was shot in the back, supposedly disabling him from getting very far. He turned around with his arms in the air and said “I don’t have a gun, stop shooting!” By this point, Brown and the officer were face to face as the cop shot him several times in the face and chest until he was finally dead. Johnson ran to his apartment and by the sound of his account, seemingly had some sort of panic attack. Later he emerged from his home to see Brown still laying in the streets. People were gathered with their cellphones, screaming at the police.

According to msnbc, the police refuse to interview Johnson at all, despite his amazing courage to come forward. They didn’t wanna hear it. They only listened to the cop’s account of it all and were vague with the media on what they thought happened. They’ve also refused to commit to a timeline in releasing autopsy results and other investigation information.

Numerous rumors are sweeping around such as Brown stealing candy from a QuickTrip, the store he emerged from calling the cops on him, Brown reaching for a gun, Brown attacking the cop first, ect. But these have all been debunked. (I know a lot of these have been debunked, but im having a hard time finding sources. if anyone could help out and link some legit ones id be SO grateful)

The event in and of itself was terrible, but now it has escalated beyond belief. Around 100 or more people, mostly black, went to the police station to protest peacefully. Things quickly turned bad as martial law got involved and authorities were bringing in K9s, tanks, heavy artillery, ect. The heavy police presence only made things worse as riots began to break out and looting and vandalism started. [ x ] [ x ] [ x ]

Now, as of very recently, the media has been banned from Ferguson. There is also a No-Fly zone above Ferguson for the reason of “ TO PROVIDE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT ACTIVITIES ” as said on the Federal Aviation Commission’s website. Cop cars are lined up on the borders to prevent people from entering/leaving. Media outlets are being threatened with arrest. It completely violates our amendments and everything.

It’s becoming increasingly scary and difficult to find out whats going on over there. I’m afraid this is all the information I have, though. If anybody else knows anything about the situation, please feel free to add on or correct any mistakes i’ve made as i’m no expert on writing these things.

And as a personal favor, i’d really appreciate anyone to give this a reblog in order to spread the word. I think it’s a shame that this is going on in our own country yet so few people know about it. Help me make this topic huge and get this as much attention as possible.

Cracked was challenged to put ice water on our heads in support of ALS. We have in turned challenged our good buddies/enemies for life CollegeHumor. This was the second time Soren and I covered ourselves in ice water together. The first time was for a different thing.