explodingdog:

let’s dance

When people see me in the street or after a comedy show or at the gym, the question that I get asked most often is “Do you have any nicknames for your dog Jackson?” I do.

-Jacky Boy;

-The Sleepenest of Beepens;

-The Cuddliest of Buddlies;

-Poquito Arana*

-The Mayor of Poop

-Goodzums;**

-The Lord Commander of Poop

*Because I won’t let anyone have a connection with my dog that’s as strong as mine, I’ve started training him in a mix of English, Italian, Spanish and gibberish that only we understand. (This also ensures that, should I ever die, no one will be able to control Jackson and he will be free to roam the earth as the roguish free agent he was always meant to be.) Part of this manifests in his nickname, Poquito Arana (Little Spider… when we speak this way, he knows me as Grande Arana). You can see him jumping at the dog park and a random person might try to get him to calm down, and they can say “Get down” or “Stop” all day and it won’t do any good. But if I say “Oye, Pokey; andiamo velocemente, allabadan,” he will immediately return to my side and we will calmly leave the park.

Oye- Spanish; “Hey”

Pokey- Bastardized Spanish; Short for “Poquito Arana”

Andiamo- Italian; “We go”

Velocemente- Italian; “quickly”

Allabadan- Gibberish; “to the car for some treats”

**Goodzums is part of a larger phrase. When I have a treat to offer, instead of asking “Who’s good?” or “Are you a good boy?” I ask “Whozzums Goodzums?” and then Jackson sits as if to say “Me, I am your good boy, Papa Grande Arana” and then I say “Izzums!?” which means “You are!?” and Jackson replies “Yes, it’s true,” and then he gets a treat. Hizzums gets is treats!