sleepless-in-memphis said: You stated that you would be signing things in Nashville... were you telling the truth?
Sure! I don’t think we’ll have anything to SELL in Nashville, but we’ll all hang around to sign whatever you have/bring.
I just sent the first email in my life that seems like it was written by a crazy person (it was to my landlord about my suspicions that, someday soon, there might be a possibility that our building will have ants, which is a concern based not on the presence of ants but on a bunch of other clues that in my experience can lead to an increase in ant activity, and also my constant paranoia about ants, and also because I’m insane).
I worked in the service industry for many years and saw my fair share of complaints and letters and notes from crazy people, and here at Cracked there’s no shortage of emails and comments from people that seem completely detached and unreasonable to me, and I’ve never been able to get into that headspace. I was always scratching my head thinking “How does a person become so removed from reality that they think sending a message like this (example: a woman wrote the site years ago to complain about the fact that lizards have a negative reputation in the media and Hollywood and would Cracked please work to buck this trend), and not think it was insane?”
I’m finally now at the stage of either adulthood or early onset madness where I no longer care if the emails I send out sound nuts (and, in fact, I know this one does). If I was a stranger reading the email I’d sent which goes into pretty deep detail about the entire history of this particular breed of ant, I’d think I was nuts. And I guess I’m okay with that because, legit ants are a real problem y’all.
Anyway I really don’t want ants, and leaving a hose on the front lawn is a sure fire way to get them because honestly ants are more drawn to water than they are scraps of food and sugar and if we’re going to split hairs here we are in a drought in California and you really shouldn’t be watering your lawn anyway so just stop watering and then you won’t have to worry about leaving hoses out on a hot day and then, hey, two birds, ya know? BRB, canceling my Saturday night plans because now I feel like I’m covered in ants.
I’m mostly doing this so I know where I’m supposed to be over the next few months. I will likely add and reblog this several times, so you can tune out and wait for the rerun if you’d like. Here are some upcoming live opportunities.
9/16 Stand Up Comedy in Santa Monica: I’ll be doing what might be the last Unpopular Opinion show. Laurie Kilmartin and Dan St. Germain will also be performing and they’re both so funny I can’t stand it, but at least I can stand up (this has been an example of the kind of joke I won’t be doing).
9/24 Stand Up/Beatboxing/General Talking in Nashville, TN: Cracked is very briefly going on tour! We’ve put together a live show with our friends at CinemaSins and we want you to be there to see it!
9/26 LA Podfest: We’re doing a live podcast at god dammit 11pm the day after we god damn get home from god damn Nashville. That’ll be in Hollywood I guess.
10/15 Stand Up in Echo Park: No link to the show yet, but I’ll be doing a set at Echos Under Sunset, a venue that I absolutely hate. Am I done yet? Can I be done doing live sh-
10/18-10/19 Writing Workshop in New York: I’ll be talking about writing and jokes and writing jokes at The Pit on the 19th. The Humber Print Humor Seminar is a weekend-long workshop/lecture series with some pretty cool guest speakers (Larry Doyle!). Come watch me pretend I know what I’m talking about with McSweeneys’ Chris Monks and CollegeHumor’s Susanna Wolff (I’d also wager that Susanna and I will derail our panel to talk about our dogs). This is probably it.
10/31-11/2 Comikaze: Cracked is returning to Comikaze for the fourth year in a row to perform After Hours live! We’ll also be doing a Q&A. We’re doing a live podcast too. The schedule of events hasn’t been posted yet so I don’t know when we’re doing what, but we’re definitely going and will have a booth again so stop by and say “Meh.”