February 2012
13 posts
Important Links
Help a Good Friend Part 1: My buddy, Mike Facchin, is marrying a gorgeous and lovely (and far-too-good-for-him) gal named Karolina. Mike and I played basketball together in middle school, (we were terrible), and then did a bunch of stuff together in high school. We ran around and chased after the same girls, argued about bullshit, and did theater. When we were seniors, we would bust into the main...
Anonymous asked: I don't know why, and I really don't know why I feel the need to inform you of this fact, but you remind me of Doctor Manhattan. You know, from Watchmen? I'm . . . I'm just so sorry for interrupting your tumbling with this weird message. Just thought you should be aware.
thisiscaitlinstumblr asked: Actually, I remembered that your article yesterday was about fighting Andrew Jackson, so I'd like to revise my previous question slightly: If you had to fight a US president, which would you fight, why, and what would be your weapon of choice?
Watchcracked:
sorenbowie:
Last weekend Dan O’Brien and I helped make a few Five Second Films, and also a baby.
Soren has a terrible habit of making too many babies.
Booyah!
Wisconsin Show Reminder!
Just wanted to remind everyone about the screening, live show and Q&A coming to Beloit College in Wisconsin because holy shit we’re going there next week! We’re all very excited. There are going to be jokes. You’ll love it.
We ALSO recently learned that Kaitlin Large, (one of the stars of Kill Me Now and Kelly Wheeler from Agents of Cracked), will be attending as well and...
Anonymous asked: What's your chilli recipe?
You Guys Sometimes I Get Bored And Make Things
The West Wing
I’ve been watching The West Wing on DVD lately, because I’d never watched it before and I really like it. I’ve been getting the DVDs from the Santa Monica Library, two or three at a time. Or, at least I would, but someone is currently watching all of The West Wing at roughly the exact same frequency as me. I’ll go there and they’ll have all of the DVDs except for the...
January 2012
37 posts
cockenblog:
I can recite the first 15 lines of Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales in Olde English. I feel like I don’t bring that up on dates enough.
I can too! I had a professor in college who forced us to memorize the opening 15 lines of Canterbury Tales in the original English. I’ve actively tried to forget it ever since, because it takes up parts of my brain that would be better spent on...
eltrotskysflyingcircus asked: So I'm trying to figure out how to ask this without sounding like an asshole, because there is no dickish intent behind this, but I'm just curious. In today's article, you listed The Long Dark Teatime of the Soul as one of the funniest books ever written, but not any of the Hitchhiker's Guide books. Did you just neglect to mention them or do you think Long Dark Teatime is the...
Anonymous asked: There are a number of comedians and comedy writers who get their material from controversial topics and make jokes that aren't politically correct. Do you have an opinion on these sorts of writers? Should you not make a joke if it's possible someone is going to take offense to it? Do you think writing is effective or funny if you're trying to keep it politically correct?
cactussmasher asked: I have no idea if anyone has asked you about this, but I'm really curious: When was it decided that Agents of Cracked would have that (AMAZING) ending and what made you guys reach that decision? What was it like on the day of shooting? Awkward, I assume?
definitearticle asked: Was there any discussion of shutting down cracked on January 18th for the protest of SOPA and PIPA, and if so, why didn't it occur?
New Game
I invented a new game where all I do is insult my friend’s adorable kitten, (Cooper), so it can grow up to be tough one day when it really matters.
hugefrigginarms asked: I have a question for Funkminster Fuller about Cracked's editorial team. Ever since I joined the forums, I've been fascinated by how precise and (in the nicest way possible) critical you all are. It's really helped me become a stronger writer. I was wondering how the process goes. Do you all meet in real time, via Skype or something similar? Are the votes for what gets through a...
kittycoaster asked: Is working at Cracked a full time job? I always had the impression you guys just did funny/stupid things, but I recently saw something about the holiday office party. DO YOU HAVE OFFICE>>>>
Anonymous asked: Boring question: How does your position as Senior Writer/Black Spiderman differ from what the other Cracked columnist do? I only ask because, in other places, I have seen columnist describe what they do other than column-ing, and you all seem to say similar things despite having different titles. Is the entire title-ing system at Cracked merely a farce, or is there a functional hierarchy system?...
Watchchriscantwell:
joshruben:
Couldn’t have done this without help from the inordinately talented Hana El-Assad and Vincent Peone.
Everything in this is phenomenal.
Holy shit everybody look at Josh Ruben’s Jesse from Breaking Bad impression everyone.
Everyone!
steveneverypony asked: You do a great job of analyzing pop culture and making good arguments about the subject (After Hours, today's article, etc). How do you come up with your ideas and such?
You guys, is Ricky Gervais really going to set the...
welcometothisblogbitch:
I want to say that commercial is just a metaphor, but who knows — he’s such a loose cannon!!
“Oh, great, here comes that wicked Ricky Gervais, I am just terrified of him!”
-Ricky Gervais
The 4 Biggest Missed Opportunities in Fiction →
New column up on Cracked today, and I actually kind of like this one.
The original title, (and as a result, the link), reads “The 5 Biggest Missed Opportunities in Fiction,” even though there are only four entries. This is because, when I wrote this, I had a fifth entry planned for True Blood after Season 1, (could have been a gritty, badass, political vampire show with murder...
music-can-save asked: I love you more than any silly anon.
Anonymous asked: I think I'm in love with you. Marry me?
Parking Ticket vs. DOB
As promised, I am releasing something from my personal archives as a thank you to the internet that helped save them. Parking Ticket vs. DOB had more votes by a wide margin, so here we are.
A little context: When I was younger, I wrote to try to solve problems. All problems. If I was angry with someone, I’d write them a long email. If I needed to apologize to someone, I’d write an...
nothopeless asked: Thanks for the nod! Glad I could be of help. Though I am dying to see what the beginning of Bartender is like now, I have a feeling that will one day see the light of day. I am not so sure about the embarrassing one. So my vote goes towards the bottom, the parking ticket story.
All of My Documents Have Been Recovered!
Thanks to everyone who sent along great advice. A user by the name of “Nohopeless” was right when he wrote to me to say that my problem was likely this problem. That site, and every program associated with it, helped the crap out of me.
And, as always, the fact that I can say “I’m dumb at computers, internet, PLEASE HELP ME” and 100 people between here, Twitter,...
Help Me, People Who Understand Computers
I don’t know almost anything about computers. It’s terrible, because I spend almost all of my time on a computer. There are many very basic computer things that just escape me. I regret that I didn’t learn more early on, but I didn’t, and here we are.
My computer, (a Dell, Inspiron with Windows 7), has some kind of virus, or Malware(?), or Trojan, (that’s how dumb I...
Anonymous asked: Bartender is fantastic. I mean it. And I've read, say 3-5 books in my life, so I know what I'm talking about. Anyway, will you write another novel? Now...or next week sometime? Or just whenever really, 'cause I'd be all ABOUT that. OK! Good talk.
scarymonkey92 asked: I loved your 5 Movies Fixed With Just One Word column. In it, you mentioned that you think Benedict Cumberbatch rules. I have to ask, are you a Sherlock fan?
darlkom asked: Hey Dan. First, I want to say, I love Cracked and I am obsessed with your column. I even accepted a friend request on Facebook solely because the guy (who I have never met, he lives in England, I live in Uganda, he has a wife and kids, I am not a wife and do not have kids, basically we have nothing in common except our love for your writing) loved your writing. Anyway, I think it's really...
Watchscottgairdner:
KENNIGAN!
Here’s my entry in the FOD 80s intro week. John O’Hurley (Peterman from Seinfeld) stars as the world’s greatest master of disguise…. KENNIGAN!
John O’Hurley was easily one of the top 3 most fun people I’ve ever worked with. Also had a lot of fun screwing around with Brian Lane (DP), Nick Corirossi, Jennie Pierson, Mike Rousselet and Kelsey Gunn from 5sf, Perry Smith,...
WatchNew Start-Ups episode written by me! Thanks to Cody and Michael for letting me write an episode, and thanks to BriTANicK’s always-very-nice Nick Kocher for appearing in the episode. Also thanks to Henry the Cat. And Stollhouse. Everyone’s very good.
tastyhumanburgers asked: Hello, I am a teenager (sorry about that) and I've noticed on your blog that word is practically synonymous with "stupid". What can I do to be less stupid to the point of being offensive to you and other adults (but mostly you, because that's who I'm asking)? Also I really like your articles, videos etc. and I hope I'm not bothering you or anything right now. Okay...
drinkupitsgoodforyou asked: How did you get a job with Cracked? Did you have your own blog first or something?