This Dan O'Brien

Anonymous said: You are my bae.

No I am not.

hellosodas:

Re: Upcoming Opportunities to See and Please Not Touch My Stupid Face
NO DICE, guys
cracked thisdanobrien

Someone made an animated gif of people poking my face, if anyone wanted to know what my nightmares look like.

hellosodas:

Re: Upcoming Opportunities to See and Please Not Touch My Stupid Face

NO DICE, guys

cracked thisdanobrien

Someone made an animated gif of people poking my face, if anyone wanted to know what my nightmares look like.

sleepless-in-memphis said: You stated that you would be signing things in Nashville... were you telling the truth?

Sure! I don’t think we’ll have anything to SELL in Nashville, but we’ll all hang around to sign whatever you have/bring.

ohmygodwaytoolong:

Facing some stiff fantasy football competition in the Great Movie + “Bad But I Like Him” Quarterback division.

Alex you didn’t even fucking try with your photoshopped avatar.
Milestone

I just sent the first email in my life that seems like it was written by a crazy person (it was to my landlord about my suspicions that, someday soon, there might be a possibility that our building will have ants, which is a concern based not on the presence of ants but on a bunch of other clues that in my experience can lead to an increase in ant activity, and also my constant paranoia about ants, and also because I’m insane).

I worked in the service industry for many years and saw my fair share of complaints and letters and notes from crazy people, and here at Cracked there’s no shortage of emails and comments from people that seem completely detached and unreasonable to me, and I’ve never been able to get into that headspace. I was always scratching my head thinking “How does a person become so removed from reality that they think sending a message like this (example: a woman wrote the site years ago to complain about the fact that lizards have a negative reputation in the media and Hollywood and would Cracked please work to buck this trend), and not think it was insane?”

I’m finally now at the stage of either adulthood or early onset madness where I no longer care if the emails I send out sound nuts (and, in fact, I know this one does). If I was a stranger reading the email I’d sent which goes into pretty deep detail about the entire history of this particular breed of ant, I’d think I was nuts. And I guess I’m okay with that because, legit ants are a real problem y’all.

Anyway I really don’t want ants, and leaving a hose on the front lawn is a sure fire way to get them because honestly ants are more drawn to water than they are scraps of food and sugar and if we’re going to split hairs here we are in a drought in California and you really shouldn’t be watering your lawn anyway so just stop watering and then you won’t have to worry about leaving hoses out on a hot day and then, hey, two birds, ya know? BRB, canceling my Saturday night plans because now I feel like I’m covered in ants.

Jackson and I raced this morning and then listened to some great tunes in the car and he was very happy and I probably shoulda been looking at the road but HIIIIIII!

Jackson and I raced this morning and then listened to some great tunes in the car and he was very happy and I probably shoulda been looking at the road but HIIIIIII!