This Dan O'Brien

cockenblog:

The last Google search I have on my phone is just the word “steak” and my zip code.

Marina is the last great American.

patrickcassels:

Jay Z = Ralph Kramden (Chubby Brooklynite preoccupied with success)

Beyonce = Alice Kramden (Strong-willed wife; good with words)

Kanye West = Norton (Weird best friend)

Kim Kardashian = Trixie (Underdeveloped character)

raynebeauxxx said: I just woke up from a recurring dream about being lucky enough to hang out with you. It's always after I spend too much time looking for your damn apartment because I guess I never learn. I wake up almost immediately after I finally find you. It's my favorite dream. Creepy, sure. Positive, definitely. I'm terrible at lucid dreaming which is great for you and bad for me. Sigh.

Are you saying that you spend a lot of time looking for my apartment in real life and afterwards end up dreaming about hanging out with me? If so, please don’t do that, my apartment is not where I work or perform, it is where I cook, play with my dog, shut off and feel safe. If you tracked down my apartment and found me, it would not be like how you want it to be and we would both end up being very unhappy. Please and thank you.

OR, are you saying that you look for my apartment in your dream and then eventually find it/me and wake up? That’s fine, then. Dream away, don’t let anyone tell you what you should or shouldn’t dream about. Keep looking for me (in those dreams) and maybe we’ll bump into each other at a music show or coffee shop (in those dreams) and really hit it off (dream-hit).

cracked:

4 U.S. Presidents Whose Lives Put Action Movies to Shame

I made some of this, Winston Rowntree made a bunch of it, and Nick Rood and Jim Sass (the editor and animator) made the HELL out of it. Obviously it’s about presidents.

charactersinthewild:

thisdanobrien:

hellosodas:

Re: Upcoming Opportunities to See and Please Not Touch My Stupid Face
NO DICE, guys
cracked thisdanobrien

Someone made an animated gif of people poking my face, if anyone wanted to know what my nightmares look like.



Another one of these things is today at Zanies in Nashville! I’ll be doing jokes and some other fun stuff. What jokes will I be doing? Great question, NARC, I have no idea, thanks for making me feel like a jerk.

(http://zaniesnashville.laughstub.com/mobile/show.cfm?id=337091&cart)

charactersinthewild:

thisdanobrien:

hellosodas:

Re: Upcoming Opportunities to See and Please Not Touch My Stupid Face

NO DICE, guys

cracked thisdanobrien

Someone made an animated gif of people poking my face, if anyone wanted to know what my nightmares look like.

Another one of these things is today at Zanies in Nashville! I’ll be doing jokes and some other fun stuff. What jokes will I be doing? Great question, NARC, I have no idea, thanks for making me feel like a jerk. (http://zaniesnashville.laughstub.com/mobile/show.cfm?id=337091&cart)
Guess what’s comin’ back, y’all?

Guess what’s comin’ back, y’all?

Working out of a Dunkin Donuts in a bus station in Nashville and this ten year old white girl has been staring at me for ten minutes at least. When I looked at her she shrieked “HOOOOOT” like a banshee. Am I in a gang now? Am I in her spot? I don’t know the codes in Nashville, do I need to give her money? Do not feel safe.

mrcandlemaker said: Yooo, tell me more about cinema sins. I mean, yeah, I could google it, but I just dropped a couple of hot Hamiltons to see you guys on Wednesday, and I'm curious about this other little troupe.

cracked:

Hey buddy! See you Wednesday!

(To anyone reading this and feeling confused, we have a joint live show with CinemaSins at Zanies Nashville on Wednesday. Tickets are even cheaper for our Tumblr friends.)

And CinemaSins breaks down everything wrong with a movie as quickly/specifically/brilliantly as possible, occasionally for us and mainly on their killer YouTube channel. Check them out. Run don’t walk. Honestly jealous today’s the day you see their stuff for the first time.

Tickets are going fast for this show and we’re expecting a lot of walk ins, so get your tickets now! There are two stages of anxiety I have for every show, and we’ve recently entered the second. Here they are:

Stage One: No one is going to come to this show, it’s just going to be me on stage plus some drunks that wandered in by mistake and maybe every bully I’ve ever had. I’m going to perform for eight people who won’t laugh and the promoter will be mad at me and everyone will be mad and I will have done a bad job. I wish I’d never agreed to do this.

Stage Two: We sold how many tickets? Oh, shit that’s a lot. Oh no. Okay. Oh no. That’s a lot of people to disappoint, okay, crap, farts, oh no. What if i do a terrible job and they’re all mad? What if I do a GREAT job and they want to talk to me after? How do I make sure I’m the thing they want me to be? Oh no. I wish I’d never agreed to do this.


Anyway I hope you like my jokes. Performing live is my favorite thing to do that will ultimately kill me from the inside out.